Liberating Love

Have you noticed that it’s the people who are in pain who find it hard to receive a hug?

I once saw a video of a dog barking madly and hiding in a corner. The end of the video showed how a loving and persistent person was able to soothe and free that dog. That crazed dog became a pet.

I like the movie Spirit because it displays two ways of taming a horse. Now I don’t know much about horses,  but I fell in love with the way the Indian treated the horse. He befriended the horse, was gentle, patient, kind and persistent; he loved to liberate, not to own.

So I ask, when will we start loving to liberate? Are we going to find those that are so hurt, so ashamed, so trapped and starting loving them in ways that bring hope and freedom?

No matter where we are at in the world, in culture, in socioeconomic status, there are people nearby that need compassion, grace, freedom and human touch. Let’s go find them.

When’s the last time the world wasn’t falling apart?

Thanks for the quote, Blood Diamond.

Blood Diamond is an ugly presentation of harsh realities that are not strictly African, but human. Continually, we let each other down. We give into darkness and we sharpen our blades while our neighbors are longing for a friend, our children are desperate for meaning and attention, our old folks are fading away painfully and our institutions crumble under the weight of always-to-heavy, ever-changing demands.

Ask yourself really: When is the last time the world wasn’t falling apart? It always has been! Since that old FALL in the garden of Eden, however that took place. Don’t worry about the interpretation, just admit that there is something common to humanity in that ALL of us fall. We all fail. We have all broken down. We all need hope and love.

Now ask yourself: What can I do for my family and community that might push back the falling tide, even just a little? Maybe you’ll think of gifts you can give, gifts of words, gifts of passion, gifts of material. Maybe you’ll realize there’s someone in your life that is going through a hard time and that you should stop neglecting them. Maybe you’ll even do some deep digging and realize that you have an addiction you need to kick and that maybe you should start attending some counseling sessions and classes.

Our lives are so different, yet they are the same. We all have great capacities for good and for evil. We need to embrace each other, now and later. We need to accept each other, now and later. We need to BE each other, now and later. 




Who am I to write of Transcendence?

I am not well today. What the psychiatric realm refers to as Bipolarity has me in a deep down curve. I am wondering with a tint of despair and anger about great and deep questions. I am wondering what the hell Jesus was actually thinking when he claimed that giving up selfish tendencies would bring abundant life and peace. I am wondering what my mother’s hopes really are, hopes which seem to be tied directly to the welfare of her only son. (Her sometimes addicted, bipolar son). I am wondering what it might be that has caused my wife to stay all this time when I have been the channel by which she tasted so many sad realities. I am wondering how my Dad sees me, like, what does he think of me? Most of all, I’m wondering when the falling phase of my life will transition into the caught phase, the breeze-blown dancing phase, the phase of love, peace and tranquility.

See, I know I have had many wicked schemes in my mind. I know I have walked down too many dark alleys. I have tasted too much of Babylon’s spirits, touched to many Babylonian women and been to close to the fire of greed and envy, for too long.

I am currently trying to commit myself to different paths like regular meetings with a Psychiatrist, some AA meetings and some very frank and vulnerable talks with my Pastor, but I’m feeling no sense of hope and I’m doubting any relief will come, because I have already been through all these things and much more before.

Know this, I am a good person. Like, I have given a very expensive leather jacket to a homeless guy because I was pleased that he wanted warmth and not liquor. I have gone on “mission trips” and even wept when I saw that very poor people in other nations often have more tranquility and goodness in them than the wealthy americans I have always known. I want to live a good life and be good, but I feel the forces of family, faith, frigidly cold temptation, and forgiveness whispering with doubt and with trust, with righteousness and with wicked plotting. All of these things and much more, both good and bad, are coming like a tornado upon my soul.

I know I’m not alone.


Poem about Bipolarity

All the deep disconnects
All the instant, dramatic shifts
All the painful build-ups
To so few prized gifts

All the shadow days
And the manic nights
The manic days
and shadow nights

All the extremes and lows
All the rescuers who tried
to push and pull me into molds
And all the times we cried

The devastating disappointments
The ruthless, soul wrenching revelations
I shouted, “God have you appointed
for me any purification or elevation?”

Yes, this I will see at the right time.
Maybe long after my bipolarity is normalized
All the frustrations and stormy atomic frames of mind
Will all fade somehow as I keep looking to the sky


So here we are (together)

I’ve been looking for a soul-searching journey that wouldn’t waste my time, for a sacrifice that promises rewards, a space to find the relief of vulnerability and a path to learn humility. I caught a whiff of the answer to this searching when I met a 39 year old man who had just gotten out of the ICU where he was being cared for after cutting himself in attempted suicide. He gave me long explanations of life and his story, but two words prevailed when our paths shortly thereafter split. These two words were transcend and duality.

So here I am to write about both successful and vain attempts of transcending duality. Some will be my stories, some will not. Some other stuff will appear from time to time; maybe a song or a book recommendation. I do desire to help others, but I am looking forward to being help. Message me, think about me, and only trust in me when what I’m saying can be discerned as utterly wise. I’m far from perfect.

We need to move away from “I wish I was,” and towards, “I am becoming.” Duality is soul-splitting, conscience degrading and time wasting. Let’s make our realities conform to our higher goals instead of being bent, molded and deceived by the system and the common pattern. Let’s set our own patterns corresponding to the most proven designs and transcend duality. 

“I want to be two people at once. One runs away.”
Peter Heller,